Laura Welch

The 20 People You Meet In Downtown Austin (as told by Leonardo DiCaprio)

Unless you have been living under a rock, you are aware that Leonardo DiCaprio won his first Oscar for his well-deserved performance in “The Revenant”. Fan and audiences alike pined for Leo at this year’s Academy Awards because of his lack of Oscars in the past. Leo has proved time and time again that he is an incredible actor from his first role in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” where he played a young boy with learning disabilities, to “Titanic” where he stole all of our hearts, to most recently “The Wolf of Wall Street” where Leo was just not good enough to beat out one of the greatest talents on planet Earth and a symbol for us Austinites — Matthew McConaughey.

Much like Leonardo’s repertoire, there are also a lot of characters we meet on a day to day basis when on 6th street. The good, the bad, and the ugly, here is an homage to Leo’s lifetime achievement of winning the most prestigious award in the film industry by showing all the people you will meet downtown.


#1 The Dancer

The one who you cannot bring around if there is the slightest bit of a chance that Beyonce will come on because they will lose all control and create a dance circle around them.

#2 The Flirt

The one who cannot seem to speak to anyone the entire night without making it blatantly obvious they are sexually attracted to them — you will definitely catch them lingering with the bouncer because they can’t help themselves.

#3 The Crier

The one who has too many emotions trapped inside of them that the slightest drop of alcohol makes it all boil to the surface.

#4 The Talker

The one who is having such an amazing time and feels so connected with everyone they talk to that they can’t seem to shut up — they also will not get social cues that you’re over hearing what they have to say so you have to tell them.

#5 The Creepy Old Guy

The one who probably has a few kids and a family but is trying their hardest not to give into adulthood and attempts to use their adult paychecks to buy college kids drinks.

#6 The Sleeper

The one who has too many shots to keep them awake, but they try their farthest to fight against the fatigue to continue partying.

#7 The Fighter

The one who seems to get upset about everything and is constantly looking for an excuse to fight whoever they come in contact with to establish their masculinity.

20 All-Too-Real Reactions You Have As A Graduating Senior

Graduation is but a few weeks away and there is nothing more exhilarating than having to deal with people during the most stressful part of college.

1.) When someone tells you they already have a job post-grad


2.) When anyone asks you to do anything


3.) Watching freshman do pretty much anything


4.) When your advisor tells you 90% of students get a job right out of college


5.) When your parents ask about your graduation information


6.) When anyone younger than you talks about how stressed they are


7.) When you get another rejection from another job


8.) You’re too busy to have a social life


9.) You oversleep and miss an interview


10.) Your parents remind you that your older siblings had their lives together before they graduated

Drinking Game for the 2016 Academy Awards

The Academy Awards is the most prestigious award show in the film industry. Celebrities would kill or be killed to get the chance to not only get to go, but to win an Oscar. There are been many controversies surrounding the Academy Awards over the past few years. Claims are varied from “no one even sees the movies that are nominated” to “#OscarsSoWhite” to “someone on the Academy clearly hates Leonardo DiCaprio”. But I am not here to denote whether or not those claims are correct. I, however, am here to provide an entertainment for those brave souls that will choose to sit through the three hours of awkward mic malfunctions, awkward play-off music, and even more awkward outspoken and blatantly drunk celebrities who make fools of themselves on stage.


Here is the unofficial drinking game of the Academy Awards 2016. Take a drink every time:

Leonardo DiCaprio fakes a smile/laugh for another winner


Someone makes a joke about Leonardo DiCaprio never winning an Oscar


Something unbelievably embarrassing happens to Leonard DiCaprio (Like being upstaged by Lady Gaga)


Jennifer Lawrence does something odd on camera


Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer are on screen together


Tom Hardy shows his beautiful face on the screen. Every. Time. (Remember two of his films are nominated for best picture)


A celebrity gets another celebrity’s name wrong


A celebrity becomes a meme


A celebrity gets played off with music


A celebrity starts to cry


A celebrity gets offended and tries their hardest not to laugh at an inappropriate joke


Mark Ruffalo steals your soul and makes your heart melt


Chris Rock offends someone


Chris Rock makes fun of someone


Chris Rock mentions #OscarsSoWhite


Chris Rock gets bleeped out


There is a sore loser



If you see the most perfect human on the face of the planet make an appearance.


If you’re not wasted by the end of this game — then you should probably seek medical attention. Hook ’em.

The 30-Day Realization That Spring Break Is Around The Corner

Day 30

It finally hits you when you look at your calendar: SPRING BREAK IS ONE MONTH AWAY! You suddenly have significantly less time to lose your winter break weight than you though. WHO CREATED THIS HORRIBLE SYSTEM?


Day 29

You make a promise to yourself: you are going to eat healthy for the next month. So long to anything delicious and enjoyable, you are going to be the picture of health over the next four weeks.


Day 28

One day into your diet, you realize just how hungry you are so you eat everything in your entire kitchen so you’re just sitting there like “F**k. Now what?” Well, there is always tomorrow to start your diet.


Day 27

You look up all these crazy diet regimens that you heard have worked in the past. You set out to the grocery store and get the healthiest stuff you can find.


Day 26

Ugh, all the healthy food is making your dizzy from lack of fat and sugars. You have to give in and go to Shake Shack. You’ll just start working out really hard tomorrow.


Day 25

The desperation starts to hit that your time is winding down so you do all the mathematical equations of how much you will have to work out and how much you can/cannot eat over the next 25 days to feel your very best.


Day 24

There’s free food at work and you would be economically hurting yourself if you didn’t take advantage of the opportunity. Your diet can always start the next day.


Day 23

You try on your bathing suit you just ordered and go momentarily blind.


Day 22

Okay, you’re finally going to try that juice cleanse everyone has been raving about.


Day 21


UT Alum, Jon Hamm Dramatically Reads Justin Bieber’s “Sorry”

If you have lived above a rock over the past few months you have definitely heard the new song by Justin Bieber “Sorry”. The music video was iconic. The beat was catchy. And Justin did what some viewed to be an impossible task: turn everyone on the face of the planet into a Bieleber. This week, Vanity Fair came out with a video showing famous actors, including UT Alum Jon Hamm, dramatically reading the lyrics to the now infamous song. In a strange yet satisfying way, this video may change your life. Check it out!


The Realization You’re a Second Semester Senior

What better way to describe the agony of being a second semester senior than with Matthew McConaughey gifs?

There’s no denying it anymore: You’re old. But at first, you try not to let it bother you.

You are highly aware that your last semester will contain a lot of continuous and heavy crying.

Initially, you have high aspirations. You know it’s going to take a lot of effort and hard work to make your dreams come true in your final months before the real world.

You start planning everything you are going to get accomplished this semester because you want to be a baller alum.

You realize you have to take advantage of your last few months of accepted binge drinking and blacking out multiple nights a week.

You and all of your friends are finally 21 so you are allowed to drink legally whenever and wherever.

But the sparkle begins to die down when you realize you should have listened to your advisor when they told you to get your prerequisites done freshman year.

Your advisor then asks you: “Do you know what you want to do after graduation?”

So naturally, you contemplate becoming a stripper.

I mean, you seriously consider it.

You hear someone younger than you say: “Graduating will be the worst”.

You start to realize adulthood may be the worst thing to happen to you.

Your family starts to ask you questions like “What is wrong with you?” and “Why can’t you get your life together?”

You walk into your last first day of class like you would walk to your own funeral.

In class, you have to listen to the stupid freshman ask their stupid questions in your stupid prerequisite classes.

You try to compose your résumé.

And then your cover letters.

At this point in school, you don’t f**k with group projects anymore.

You are also done f**king with TAs that are only a couple of months older than you

You simply cannot f**k with those professors that won’t round your 69.5% up to an A.

The depression hits once you realize that you actually can’t have the same drinking habits once you graduate.

Once April rolls around, the panic hits

You contemplate being a stripper one more time, but know deep down there is no way you would be good at it.

You get your last chance to hook up with the person you’ve had a crush on since freshman year, so you choose to simply embarrass yourself in front of them in a last desperate attempt.

You wake up from your last night blacking out on sixth street in your undergrad life.

You finish your last final you will ever have to take.

And then it’s all over. In the blink of an eye, you are done with college, and there’s nothing you can do but be grateful for the experience you had.

You receive your diploma that cost you your blood, sweat, tears, and years of endless and grueling debt.

Despite it all, in the end you know you’re going to be okay because you went to the greatest school on planet Earth and they prepared you for pretty much anything in life.

If Matthew could survive leaving UT, so can we.


Stages Every Longhorn Goes Through At Home For The Holidays

Holidays are known for being the happiest time of the year, but if you are a student at the University of Texas, then you know the holidays can be pretty heavy on the heart. Holidays are the time where you have to spend an entire month away from your Longhorn friends and even harder, Austin.

You finish your last final and feel like you’re on top of the world, because you now have an entire month of no homework or studying.

It comes the time to say goodbye to your friends, and it nearly breaks your heart. You physically don’t know how you’re going to handle the separation.

On your way home, you can’t help but get that excited feeling of being home and having all the time in the world to treat yo’ self.

When you get home, the first thing you do is jump in your bed because it is even more comfortable after not being slept in for months.

You feel unbelievably spoiled as your family makes you home cooked meals of all your favorites, and you got your eye on it all.

Finally, you are reunited with your hometown best friends and it seems like no time has passed at all.

You and your hometown friends spend much needed time catching up on all any any drama that has happened over the past three months.

The rare moment arises that a party in your hometown comes up, so when you arrive you make sure to look your absolute best.

At the party, the weird kids from your high school attempt to catch up with you and your fabulous Austin life despite your blatant lack of interest.

Then the inevitable and tragic moment happens: you run into your ex.

When you can tell people are pretty over listening to what an amazing life you have at UT, you give them the benefit of the doubt and attempt to listen to them share their boring stories from their boring colleges.

After a few too many drinks, the unrequited drama of summer seems to rise to the surface, and you can’t help but be glad that you’ll only be stuck here for a month.

The horrible yet inevitable moment arises where you realize you don’t fit in with your hometown anymore because you are far too superior and weird like Austin meant for you to be.

Your parents start reprimanding you for being too hungover/sleeping in too late as if waking up at noon on the weekends isn’t waking up early in college time.

During the actual holidays, you are subjected to spending time with your relatives who take it upon themselves to question you on every facet of your life, expecting excruciatingly specific details.

It gets to the moment during break where you realize you’re better left off only hanging out with yourself until you get to go back to UT.

Then the real hometown boredom hits, and it hits strong.

Looking at your calendar and realizing you only have a few days left of break, you suddenly realize you have accomplished absolutely nothing all break.

But it’s time to go back to the best place on Earth and you can’t contain your excitement. So long, hometown, you’re off to the best city in the world.

Let’s keep Austin weird, shall we?


This Season’s Holiday Gift Guide for Lady Longhorns

As the holidays are rearing closer and closer, and we, as Longhorns, have to leave the holy land that is Austin, Texas, for a very painful month, some of us can’t help but rush into a panic at the last moment to get last-minute shopping done. It happens far too often that boys are left in utter and complete confusion what to buy their girlfriends for the holidays. But don’t you fret. I have composed a complete list of everything a Longhorn girl will ever want or need for this season.

Birchbox Subscription

The newest and latest trend this season is Birchboxes. You can get them in any type from hair products, to make up, and more. The purpose of a Birchbox is for a new order to arrive every month. This way, you can make a one purchase that will still be delivered to your lady every month, giving off the illusion you have given her more than one gift and were extremely thoughtful about it. It’s also a fun away for her to pamper herself and have something to look forward to that will remind her of the special person who bought it for her.


Naked Palettes

Available here on Amazon

Whether you are shopping for your girlfriend, best friend, sister, or whoever, you can never go wrong with the Naked Palettes from Urban Decay. There are now four palettes that will go with any outfit or any mood you are in. Enough of the tacky eyeshadow and poorly done makeup, this is 2015, we have YouTube tutorials for days that can teach us how to properly apply makeup. So for your friends who need a little nudge in the right direction, this is a great choice.


Box Set of Friends Series

Available here on Amazon

It’s no secret that Friends is almost every girl on the face of the planet’s favorite show. If it’s not her favorite show, then she definitely still loves it. Nothing says “I’m thinking about you” more than a full box of the Friends series so she can lock herself in her room for the entire winter break and not come out. Some would even consider that to be a dream come true.


Justin Bieber Concert Tickets

Or his latest album, available here on Amazon

I know what you’re all thinking “I’m not a millionaire so you should probably shut up with this suggestion”, but slow your roll. This is Justin Bieber we’re talking about. Justin Bieber who has not only had the biggest comeback of the year but who also went from a scrawny child to a jacked, gorgeous man with a beautiful voice that is as beautiful as his face. It doesn’t matter if the seats you get are in the nosebleeds, because even those are pricey. Justin will put on a show that makes ever single girl in the audience lose her mind and I’d even go as far to say as it would make anyone’s dream come true. But if you choose to settle, you can always purchase his new album “Purpose”.


Bose Sound Canceling Headphones

Available here on Amazon

There’s nothing in the world a girl loves more than peace and quiet, so why not get her a pair of noise canceling headphones? Instead of ignoring you like a normal girl will, she can make it obvious when she doesn’t want to hear from you. It’s really a win, win situation.


Pretty Much Anything from Victoria’s Secret

Available here on Amazon

December is always a huge time for Victoria Secret. Every year girls look forward to seeing the annual Victoria Secret Fashion Show on TV, and then get horribly upset that they’re not an angel themselves. Well, you can at least get her the second best by pretty much giving her anything in the Victoria Secret Store. From sweatpants to sweatshirts to underwear to lingerie to even lotions and body sprays, it truly is the goldmine for the best holiday gifts ever. Plus, it gives every girl the chance to feel like an angel, if even for a minute.



Lush Bath Bombs

Available here on Amazon

What could be more perfect than giving a girl a reason to take a bubble bath and relax? Giving a bath bomb or any of the skin and body products they have incites an invitation for the special girl in your life to take a day off and worry about herself. Lush is not only an great place to shop for girls, guys can enjoy the bath bombs too. A personal favorite is always the Sex Bath Bomb.


Wine Glasses

Available here on Amazon


Though it may seem cliche, a girl can never have too many wine glasses. A wine glass is kind of like the gift that keeps giving because girls will always want more wine. It’s natures way of assuring us everything will be alright. If you get the large wine glasses that can fit a whole bottle of wine in it, it comes across that you are behaving yourself though we all know the truth (though some girls choose to not even use the glass at all).


Giant Teddy Bear

Available here on Amazon


This probably goes without saying, but receiving an oversized teddy bear is probably the most euphoric thing that can happen to just about anyone. Not only is this thing massive, but it is full of endless snuggles. If you give this to a girl, they will be guaranteed to fall in love with you without a doubt.



Available here on Amazon

Everyone likes to cuddle up to a new book and relax over the holiday break, but why would you do that with an old fashion book when Kindles are on sale at Having a Kindle makes reading even easier, because once you finish a book, your next book is at your finger tips. You’d be amazed at how many books you can read when you’re looking at a screen much like you do for most of your days anyways. Plus, the new Kindle Fires have wifi and all the apps you will need, basically making it the coolest gift you could give someone this holiday season. Plus Kindles make it easier to read Fifty Shades of Grey without receiving fifty shades of shade in public.



Everyone loves food, this pretty much goes without saying, but when it is the holiday season and it is the time of the year when everyone wears sweaters and jackets, it is the perfect time to get completely out of shape and treat yo’self. If you want to make a girl happy, always feed her.



Nothing says commitment quite like getting a girl a puppy for the holidays. If you have either been pretty shotty with your commitment/loyalty or if you just want to take it to the next step and see a girl be the happiest she’s been in a very long time, a puppy is the perfect gift. Definitely don’t make this decision lightly.




When in doubt, buy alcohol. We all need a little alcohol to get through the holidays, so this might be the most perfect gift for anyone this season.


Happy shopping, and remember, it is only one short month until you’re back in the best city in the world.