Chief Longhorn

Longhorn ‘Bachelorette’ Rachel Lindsay plans to take fiancé to Texas-OU Red River Showdown

Longhorn alum and Bachelorette star Rachel Lindsay has finally chosen her boo. The Dallas native chose Bryan Abasolo, a 37-year-old chiropractor from Miami.

According to, the two aren’t set on where to live, but one thing is for sure. She’s going to take him to the Red River Showdown and show him why OU still sucks:

“Yes, I’m going to take him to the state fair,” Rachel told GuideLive on a conference call Tuesday. “I’m a Longhorn, so I want to take him to the Texas-OU game and kill two birds with one stone.”

Hook ‘em, Rachel (and congrats)!

Bonus: Did you know Rachel dated Kevin Durant when they were students at the 40 Acres?

Bonus x2: Rachel working out in Longhorn gear!

Quit Breaking Our Hearts Texas Exes, The Albino Squirrel Is Real

Texas Exes. We love you, but don’t break our hearts. The Albino Squirrel is certainly real.

According to an article written by The Alcalde:

Sorry, Longhorns. There is no albino squirrel at The University of Texas.

Today every UT student knows the legend: catching a rare glimpse of an “albino” squirrel on the way to an exam means you’ll get an A. The squirrel—which is usually referred to with a single mythical ‘he’—is said to roam the East Mall, and we’ve spotted him at the Alumni Center more than once.

While there may be several white squirrels on campus, they aren’t really albinos, says UT biologist David Hillis. “It’s a color variant, not a true albino,” Hillis explains.

How do we know he’s real? Because a Longhorn Humor fan found the lucky squirrel getting lucky himself!

And, he tends to get lucky often…which spreads even more luck to every student on the 40 Acres.

Thank you, Albino Squirrel.

Watch This Parrot And Dog Sing Along To The Eyes Of Texas (VIDEO)

There are tons of pets that have that burnt orange pride. But, this parrot and dog go all the way by whistling/howling along to The Eyes of Texas.

Check them out below!

Best performance of The Eyes of Texas we’ve seen to this day. Happy #nationalpetday y’all!

A post shared by Longhorn Humor (@longhornhumor) on

2017 Masters Champ, Sergio Garcia, Is Engaged To Longhorn Alumna Angela Akins

Sergio Garcia, the Spanish pro golfer who just won the 2017 Masters, is engaged to fellow Longhorn Angela Akins.

Akins graduated from the 40 Acres in 2008, according to her LinkedIn profile, and is currently reporter for the Golf Channel.

But wait, there’s more.

Her father, Marty Akins, is one of the most successful quarterbacks in Texas history. The only QB to start three years for Darrell Royal, he set multiple school records (many of which were later broken by Vince Young), was named an All-American in 1975 and was inducted into the school’s Hall of Honor in 1995.

Her cousin is also Drew Brees.

Don’t worry Jordan, we still love you.

Girl At Dentist Freaks Out When Told Whataburger Closed Down (VIDEO)

According to the Houston Chronicle:

A viral video making the rounds this week and uploaded in late December shows a girl named Taylor, fresh from wisdom teeth surgery struggling to comprehend life itself. Anyone who has had serious dental surgery knows that whatever they use is very strong.

In the video the girl’s mother, Nikki Duvall, tells her that Whataburger — her favorite place — has been closed. Almost instantly her swollen face is covered in tears.

We are all her. Whataburger for life.

Texas Fires Head Coach Charlie Strong

Statements below via and UT News:

Statement from Mike Perrin, Men’s Athletics Director:
“Decisions like this are tough to make. The responsibility is not taken lightly. I became friends with Charlie Strong before becoming Athletics Director. I have the utmost personal respect for him. His impact on college athletics and student-athletes should be celebrated. Coach Strong represented The University of Texas with class and dignity, and he demanded our student-athletes do the same by adhering to his system of core values. However, after thorough evaluation, the body of work over three seasons has not shown the improvement we were hoping for. This was an important year for our program to take the next step, and the results simply aren’t there, so we’ve decided to make a change. We appreciate Coach Strong so much, are grateful for all he has done with our program and wish him the best in the future.”

Statement from Charlie Strong:
“It’s a very difficult day for me, my family and all of the people affected by this decision. I’m most disappointed for these kids and our staff who have poured so much of their lives into this program for the last three years. I do understand that it comes down to wins and losses, and we have not done our job in that area yet. I accept full responsibility for that, but know in my heart that we accomplished our primary goal, which is the development of young men. We have had a positive impact on our campus and the community, and I’m proud of how our team is focused on earning their degrees. We were developing something really special. This program has a championship foundation built on great young men with tremendous character. There are very bright days ahead, and I’ll be pulling for these kids no matter where I am. I want to thank everyone who supported me and this program for the last three years. I don’t regret coming to Texas. I learned a great deal and grew as a person in my time here. I’ll miss the opportunity to lead this program going forward, but I’m ready to accept my next challenge.”

Statement from Greg Fenves, President of the University of Texas:

Charlie Strong is an outstanding leader and role model who worked hard and with great integrity to move Longhorn football in the right direction. He has been committed to helping our student-athletes succeed both on and off the field. I share the pride, admiration and respect that many in Longhorn nation and beyond feel for him.

In the end, the results over three seasons were not there. It was not clear the future was going to be at the levels expected of Longhorn football.

I congratulate our players, who showed great heart and resilience this season, with many outstanding performances. Elite student-athletes come to UT expecting to compete at the highest levels and succeed academically. The university will continue to pursue those goals and prepare them for life after college.

I am grateful for the contributions Charlie Strong made to our athletics program and the community. I wish Charlie, Vicki and their family only the best moving forward. I will forever consider them friends of the university.

Thank you for the values taught to us all, Coach Strong. Hook ’em.

Dave Chappelle Resurrects Lil Jon Character, Sports Longhorn Cap

Dave Chappelle hosted his first-ever Saturday Night Live this past weekend. His most popular sketch? The resurrection of his show’s famous characters, including Tryone Biggums, Clayton Bigsby, and Lil Jon.

At 2:29, you’ll see Lil Jon appear sporting a Texas Longhorns cap!


Jeb Bush Disses UT-Austin, Goes Go Full-On Aggie Instead

Jeb Bush, an alum of The University of Texas at Austin (and not Texas A&M University), has disavowed his burnt orange roots and has gone full-on, low-energy Aggie derp.

In the video, Jeb! throws up his \m/ one last time.

According to The Dallas Morning News,

Jeb Bush, the former governor of Florida, will return to his native Texas next year to teach a course at Texas A&M University.

Bush will teach a 10-day elective course on “the role of gubernatorial leadership and its impact on government at all levels,” in early January before the spring semester begins, the university announced Friday.

Jeb! You are dead to us.