All Articles | Longhorn Humor

You heard it here, y’all! Those girls on West 6th (who still goes there?) aren’t just looking for a free Jägerbomb (or shot of Fireball for that matter).

No, they’re looking to see how they can find that sugar daddy who can help pay off that student loan debt.. Oh, and maybe fund those excursions abroad…who needs study abroad anyways?

So, UT-Austin ranks #1 (woo hoo!) according to the dating website SeekingArrangement.com, which calls itself the “world’s largest online-dating website that matches wealthy benefactors seeking ‘mutually beneficial relationships’ with attractive members.”

Hook ’em? I guess.

Celebrities, Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey’s Dazed and Confused Audition Tape Is The Most Awesome Thing You’ll Watch Today

By Chief Longhorn , January 13, 2015 8:28 amFebruary 2, 20160 3161

All-around Longhorn bad ass Matthew McConaughey is a legend because of his character Wooderson. It’s how he broke through in Hollywood, except it was in Austin.

Watch this in all its glory and cherish our favorite quote from Dazed & Confused.

That’s what I love about high school girls. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.

Aggies, Football, Johnny Manziel

Johnny Manziel Is Better At Throwing Parties Than Throwing Passes

By Chief Longhorn , December 29, 2014 2:33 pmDecember 29, 20140 2400

Johnny (Can’t Throw A) Football is at it again. This past Friday he threw a hell of a party that got him fined and a teammate suspended when they didn’t show up for practice the next day.

This reminds us of the time Johnny tried to get into a West Campus frat party and got his ass turned away.

Poor Johnny. You’re still our favorite Longhorn.

Burnt Orange, Charlie Strong, Football

Coach Charlie Strong Crowdsurfs After Texas beats West Virginia!

By Chief Longhorn , November 9, 2014 5:32 pmNovember 9, 20140 2226

We called it! Coach Charlie Strong sure knows how to celebrate after a much-deserved Longhorn win against the West Virginia Mountaineers!

He did it when he was at Louisville and he ain’t stopping!

Celebrities, Matthew McConaughey

Jim Carrey spoofs Matthew McConaughey’s Austin-based Lincoln Commercial

By Chief Longhorn , October 26, 2014 6:37 pmFebruary 2, 20160 2779

Gotta love those Lincoln commercials from UT alum Matthew McConaughey, especially if they’re being spoofed by the infamous Jim Carrey. Our favorite quote:

I could understand if you did this right after the Lincoln Lawyer, that would’ve made sense. But you don’t buy a Lincoln ’cause it makes sense. You do it ’cause you love it…or ’cause you’re an Uber driver.

Burnt Orange, Charlie Strong, Football

Texas Longhorns Dominate In New York Times NCAA Fan Map

By Chief Longhorn , October 3, 2014 6:44 pmOctober 3, 20140 4079

Burnt Orange can be seen everywhere on an N.C.A.A. fan map created by the New York Times. Data was compiled based on location and Facebook Likes. According to the article: